Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
