Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
