At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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