It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
