is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
