Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
