well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I touched a dick in church today
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
