Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
