awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
