I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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