i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
