yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
