the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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