Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
