i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
