I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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