ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
