physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
