Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My ATM looks so different sober.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
