I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
