this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
