come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
