Screwed.edu
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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