My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
