And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
