used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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