please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
