Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
