Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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