So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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