Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
