The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
