He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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