Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
