Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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