I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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