IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
