just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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