final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found the puke drawer
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
