I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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