Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
