literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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