youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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