Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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