I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
