He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
