i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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