Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
