the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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