i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
