I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
