Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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