i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
