Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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