I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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