i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
